To Create Art

So, it's been awhile since I've posted. An entire semester to be exact.  After reading my post "New Semester...New Chances", I am in shock of how many goals I did not attain this semester.  At the same time though, I really went through A LOT of learning about myself this semester, which is much more important I guess than memorising the entire Glazounov Concerto or going skiing.  I am happy that I did actually complete my goals of  expanding my friend circle and of going on a road trip.  These two things mean the most to me and have really contributed to my "reawakening".  I use this term because I do feel like there was a long time where I lost touch with who I really was.  I think I have found that person again, the old Andy of yore.  

I now know that I have an entire month and a half ahead of me where I will be in class for one hour a day...and that's it.  This is scary seeing as I don't have any job to supplement the down-time, and also seeing as I could really use the money or just something to keep me occupied.  This is also really liberating too though.  I know I will have a job once I get back home after my summer course.  It will pay me pretty decently too, although any extra cash would be great - but who's going to hire me for a month? 

I've decided that with all of the downtime, I will actively try to accomplish all of those remaining goals that I didn't get to this semester.  My main goal is this: to create art. I don't care what kind of art (music, visual art, literature, even culinary), I just want to create it and not care what I create.  I do intend to write at least one cohesive work of music though.  It would be sweet to see if I could write something of epic proportions that one day winds up earning me lots of money, but that's not really the goal of this.  I'm doing it for me, myself, and I; to express myself and reflect on life.  I have a lot to be thankful for, and I think this will be a good way to focus on that.

Finals are almost done here - just two more days left.  It shouldn't be too bad, and hopefully I'll do decently well this semester.  I feel like I should maintain my average, but who knows, sometimes professors decide to pull grades out of a hat.  Two more days...then liberation.

"No Surprises" by Radiohead

Change I Can Believe In

Two new things today: the semester and the President.  I woke up early this morning, at 7:00ish as is my new plan for the semester, got breakfast at 8:00 after accompanying Mikey and Adam to their class.  There was just something in the air this morning as I walked from Whalen to Campus Centre in the snow, which was falling unusually soft and slow, so much that I felt comfortable in the snow (which is a rarity for me).  It was a moment of lightness.  There was just this air of change.  At that point, I didn't even fully remember that the Inauguration was today and wasn't even fully anticipating the events that go with it.

Then, of course, I had class which was also just fun and interesting since it was the first day of the semester.  I'm highly excited for Sight-Singing and Theory! :) Then I went to Emerson Suites to watch the Inauguration.  Needless to say, it was an event that I will remember for the rest of my life.  

Change is coming...in many ways...and I'm so excited for it! 

"Life In Technicolor" by Coldplay

We Shall Overcome

Today was MLK Day, as we all know.  At IC we have an annual MLK Day Concert, but this was my first time since I am in Chorus this year.  It was actually a very rewarding experience for many reasons.  We sang fairly easy, yet nonetheless moving pieces.  I was highly impressed by Ian Cruz and his amazing performance on sax tonight.  It was quite literally one of the best things I have ever heard produced by a student at this college to date.

At the end of the concert we all joined in singing "We Shall Overcome" which was also pretty awesome.  I got a little bit of goose-bumps, which is always a good sign.  At first, in the rehearsal this afternoon for the concert, I deemed this "sing-along" cheesy; after tonight's concert I truly saw how powerful the song is, how uplifting the words are, and how important equality and acceptance for all people is.  I guess that also sounds cheesy and scripted, but it's true! Guess you had to be there...

I guess it's only appropriate that this entry's quotation be by MLK.  This really is something I truly believe is a huge problem in America (and the world at large) right now that needs to be solved if all of MLK's dreams (or peace) are to be realised:

"A nation that continues year after year to spend more on defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual doom." - Dr. Martin King Luther, Jr.

New Semester...New Chances

Yesterday I drove up to Ithaca from Long Island for the first time ever, by myself.  It went pretty well, with only one goof up getting onto 17 from 87; other than that I was fine.  It took roughly five hours, as expected since I left Long Island at 10am (when traffic is not an issue) and the weather was pretty great (minus the windiness).  

I got here...and had the best day/night/next morning ever.  Enough said.  More to come.

Goals for the semester:

• Kill procrastination: Do things in pieces, week-by-week/day-by-day
• Practice at least 2 hours everyday including weekends, preferably more though
• Find some sort of job at school, and find one to come home to in addition to Usdan over spring break
• Go skiing
• Expand my friend circle slightly/put more effort into my friendships than I did last semester
• Read at least 3 books
• Create one piece of art, hopefully a painting
• Go on a road-trip
• Begin writing/creating a novel or epic poem
• Memorise the entire Glazounov Concerto for Saxophone 

"New World" by Bjork

Wrapping-Up in Meditation

Tonight I went to Kim's for a meditation session through "Friends for Life", a breast cancer support group that Kim's mom founded and runs.  I just need to remind myself of a few things that the meditation guide said tonight for my own self-improvement, should I one day look back on this:

1) Begin each day by counting your blessings.  If you have gratitude, such a strong and positive force, then it makes you more fortuitous against negative forces that you may encounter throughout the day.

2) My goal for this year is to be more open and trusting with the people closest to me in my life, and to be open to those around me that I may not even know.

3) In the silence that one finds in meditation, one finds answers.  In prayers, one is talking; in meditation, one is listening.

4) In meditation (as in life), it is okay and encouraged to address the negative emotions that may arise during the session.  In fact, meditation is probably one of the best places to address such emotions; it helps to deal with these emotions in a healthy way that brings them to a point of acknowledgment.  Acknowledgement of the negative emotions will help you to address them, rather than let them fester deep within you and bore away at the positive ones.

5) One is in control of his own life, in every facet and way, because life is a summation of choices.  It is up to you to choose what is best, which is not always what is easiest. Each person holds the power within himself to choose what is best, it is just a matter of overcoming desires.

This meditation session has essentially summed up my entire week into one hour-long session.  All of my fears and doubts were addressed in this session and I really do feel renewed.  I've been reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo and it is also fitting in quite well with the theme of this week.  The concept of a Personal Legend has been consuming my thoughts, and it's nice to think that I am gaining experiences that are helping me to achieve my Personal Legend, yet are all part of the ride.  It's great.

" 'The Soul of the World is nourished by people's happiness.  And also by unhappiness, envy, and jealousy.  To realise one's destiny is a person's only real obligation.  All things are one.' "

- Paulo Coehlo's The Alchemist, page 22

To be persistent, or not to be?

Every time that I go back to the high school for a concert it's always interesting to just observe everything and everyone.  I always wind up running into so many people and it's always either really awkward or really pleasant.  Today I ran into Bernadette, Katie's mom...and as we all know, she and I haven't spoken since this summer.  It's just really sad.  That's all I know what to say about it.  Bernadette said something that is still ringing in my ears: "It goes both ways".  She, of course, was referring to the causes as to why Katie and I just aren't talking anymore.  I know I'm equally at fault and I did some terrible stuff to her, I definitely admit that.  It's just hard to not feel resentment and anger, especially after losing your best friend of so many years.  How does one effectively deal with that? 

There's so much more to the story, but it would be inappropriate to post any of it in a public forum like this.  However, Bernadette did say another thing that is just resonating in me: "You two need to figure things out."  I think that was the hardest thing for me to hear, especially since I was recounting, today even, how I don't think I could ever forgive her for the stuff that I endured, all for the sake of trying to mend our friendship, when it clearly wasn't going both ways.  Do I lend out a hand and try to reconcile, yet again, despite my inhibitions? Or do I  continue to resent and stay safe away from death threats, people who want to beat me up, and further emotional confusion? I think I've gone through a lot of changes over the past semester that might change whatever friendship we might ever have (if we ever were able to settle our differences), and I recognise that I too am at fault in letting this friendship fail.  But what is right in this situation? Is it right to just let go, move on, and say "to hell with it"; or is it right to try to mend and repair the strains between us?

This is turning into a high school livejournal blog, but it's something I need to get off my chest since I'm feeling this in the moment.  Anyway, onto other things.

The Symphonic Band played Poet and Peasant and Persistence tonight, two pieces that I played in 10th grade band.  It's just amazing to hear how good they were and how professional they sounded and played - that goes for all of the groups tonight.  Of course there were tiny things that could have been improved, but that's the same with every ensemble, even at the highest levels.  It was highly interesting to hear how these students played and compare that to what I think we sounded like when we played these pieces.  To be honest, I don't know which group played better; I'm too biased and involved in the situation to make a fair judgement.  Again it just brought back memories of how things were.  

Four years ago...wow were things different.  Wow...the title, Persistence, holds so much more weight now...

"Our Time Is Running Out" by Muse

Growing Pains

Steve left for school again some time today.  I got to hang out with him, Leah, and Sarina last night.  We started conversing about how this might be the last time in a while that I see him back home.  This also parallels Nick's situation, where he too could wind up staying at school or thereabouts until Thanksgiving 2009. That's ten months! It's just been dawning on me lately how we're all growing up, and people that I've known since elementary school may one day be off doing their own things far away from where I am.  There's this scary possibility that I won't see people again, ever.  It's kind of frightening.

I know it's just all part of growing up and whatnot, but still, I think I have the right to also freak out about this, at least for a tiny bit.  I just can't believe it in a way, but at the same time I am yearning for it so badly.  I don't know.  Ugh, weird mood...

"How To Disappear Completely" by Radiohead