To be persistent, or not to be?

Every time that I go back to the high school for a concert it's always interesting to just observe everything and everyone.  I always wind up running into so many people and it's always either really awkward or really pleasant.  Today I ran into Bernadette, Katie's mom...and as we all know, she and I haven't spoken since this summer.  It's just really sad.  That's all I know what to say about it.  Bernadette said something that is still ringing in my ears: "It goes both ways".  She, of course, was referring to the causes as to why Katie and I just aren't talking anymore.  I know I'm equally at fault and I did some terrible stuff to her, I definitely admit that.  It's just hard to not feel resentment and anger, especially after losing your best friend of so many years.  How does one effectively deal with that? 

There's so much more to the story, but it would be inappropriate to post any of it in a public forum like this.  However, Bernadette did say another thing that is just resonating in me: "You two need to figure things out."  I think that was the hardest thing for me to hear, especially since I was recounting, today even, how I don't think I could ever forgive her for the stuff that I endured, all for the sake of trying to mend our friendship, when it clearly wasn't going both ways.  Do I lend out a hand and try to reconcile, yet again, despite my inhibitions? Or do I  continue to resent and stay safe away from death threats, people who want to beat me up, and further emotional confusion? I think I've gone through a lot of changes over the past semester that might change whatever friendship we might ever have (if we ever were able to settle our differences), and I recognise that I too am at fault in letting this friendship fail.  But what is right in this situation? Is it right to just let go, move on, and say "to hell with it"; or is it right to try to mend and repair the strains between us?

This is turning into a high school livejournal blog, but it's something I need to get off my chest since I'm feeling this in the moment.  Anyway, onto other things.

The Symphonic Band played Poet and Peasant and Persistence tonight, two pieces that I played in 10th grade band.  It's just amazing to hear how good they were and how professional they sounded and played - that goes for all of the groups tonight.  Of course there were tiny things that could have been improved, but that's the same with every ensemble, even at the highest levels.  It was highly interesting to hear how these students played and compare that to what I think we sounded like when we played these pieces.  To be honest, I don't know which group played better; I'm too biased and involved in the situation to make a fair judgement.  Again it just brought back memories of how things were.  

Four years ago...wow were things different.  Wow...the title, Persistence, holds so much more weight now...

"Our Time Is Running Out" by Muse